So tonight I had a rousing conversation with my now nonexistent uterus. Went something like this:
Me: (holding my belly) Why are you doing this to me? Oh wait I did this to you. I had you unceremoniously ripped from my abdomen.
Uterus: That’s right, you did this to me, if you are in pain, then you must learn to deal with your treachery.
Me: Your right, you did allow me to birth 3 beautiful children, but see, I allowed you to do your purpose and do it wonderfully. You knew after the 3rd that we weren’t going to have any more. So when you decided to act up and cause me pain and misery, the only action I had left was to evict you. So technically this is all your fault.
Uterus: Soooo, you’re saying this is my fault?
Me: Yes, now stop!! I can’t take any more pain, I can’t take the love hate relationship you are causing me to have with food!! I love it, it hates me!!
Uterus: I’m just helping you lose the weight you put on and were afraid you were going to put on after having me ripped from your body.
Me: Well not like this!! I need food to recover, I need to not be in pain to recover!! So you need to stop this right now??
Uterus: What do you want me to do? I don’t live there anymore!!! Go blame it on some other body part that is still taking up residence in your ungrateful body!!